"Fat Talk"

A friend sent me this article  on "fat talk" earlier in the week. 


I found it interesting, and it came as no surprise.  I remember engaging in "fat talk" with other girls from about age 11 or 12 on.

It might be a form of bonding, but for me, a "plus size" woman, I find it really uncomfortable when grown women, clearly much thinner than I am, talk about "feeling fat" today.  It strikes me as rude--I can't tell if I'm being made fun of or what. My inner thought is, "Well, I'm fat every day, and I still manage to have a fairly productive life!"


My friend pointed out that "fat talk" is usually so focused on the person doing the talking that she may not even realize her words come across as an insult to someone who is heavier.

I am reminded of the scene from the movie Bridesmaids, when the women are sitting down to dinner, and "fat talk" begins.  The heavier character chimes in that, "She's lucky because she never bloats."   Instead of her being the uncomfortable one in the conversation, she turns it around (intentionally or not) and the other (much thinner) women become uncomfortable, and the fat talk ends abruptly. 

I'm not saying we need to walk on eggshells in our conversations with other women, but possibly be mindful of what we are saying, and what we are implying by what is said about ourselves to others.  I think we can all stand more kindness in our lives, particularly kindness to self.

I don't know why it is so difficult to be kind to the person I am every day.  I say things to her that I would never say to a friend or even someone I didn't know well at all.  I am trying harder, particularly when my children are around, to avoid negative talk about the way I look.

My daughter says she likes leaning against my arm because "it's soft, like a pillow."  Not that it's fat and flabby.  That's what I say to myself, even as she's leaning into the place, the curve of my arm, the place she feels most comfortable.  I would rather her remember softness, comfort, and love--not that I never liked my own bare arms.