Morning Conversation

I wrote this a few days ago.  It's sort of a "flash fiction" but not fiction.  

“Morning Conversation”

I really should take the children to visit my grandmother,  I think each morning while I walk them down our long gravel driveway to wait for the bus in the still-dark.  We can see her house just over  there,  and a light on in the window.

“If there was a fire,” my daughter says, “Maw would probably die.”  She’s been studying fire safety in first grade.  I consider what to say.  “Well, let’s hope that doesn't happen,” I manage.

“What about her cat?”  My son asks.  “Who would save her cat?”  He is still deeply disturbed by the disappearance of a beloved barn cat over a year ago.  “The cat would probably be outside,” I say.

“But what if it’s not?”  He asks in earnest.  “Yeah,” my daughter says.  “What if the cat AND Maw can’t get out of the fire?”

I don’t have time to answer—bus lights are visible through the fog, and the heavy mechanical rumble grinds to a stop at the end of the driveway.  My children run toward it, excited, shouting good-byes, me shouting have-a-good-days, the imaginary fire forgotten.

I walk to my house, the same house I've lived in since birth, dampness clinging to my clothes like ghosts and guilt.

Too Fat for That

I find myself upset today (a couple of days later than most people inclined to be upset about this)because I did not watch this video until today.  I have seen it now on various websites, with various comments afterward.  There seems to be some debate about whether or not she was actually being bullied by the letter. I think that particular debate is neither here nor there.  The letter was unkind. Period.  I also have to wonder if similar letters are written to overweight male news anchors.

What got to me was my discovery, for the first time today, that lots of people out there really hate fat people.  HATE them. There are entire pockets of people out there in cyber world who hate me, because I am fat.  Solely based on my looks, I am hated, by people I've never even met. While a great many posts were supportive, my eye was drawn to the posts saying, over and over, "it's not okay to be fat" and "fat people are draining the economy" and "no one should be fat these days."

Really?  I should not exist until I lose some weight?  How should I manage that? I have children, a job, a husband (who thinks I'm smokin' hot, by the way) and an entire life I should not have because I happen to weigh too much according to a certain standard.

Once I absorbed that sad reality, I had the good fortune to find this.  The Fat Nutritionist, Michelle, seemed to articulate exactly what I was feeling.  This is one of my favorite parts:

"People deserve basic humanity, respect, and PRIVACY, no matter what their weight or their health status. It is not the job of some yokel who has watched the news once to speculate on the health of a fat newscaster. The fact that he feels entitled to do so is symptomatic of a deeply oppressive culture around both women and fat people."

Thank you, Michelle.